On Tuesday morning of last week, I got a call. A bad call. To date, the worst call of my life. Glenn called to tell me his father had passed away in his sleep.
What? No answers, just gone. K, that ain't right.
It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel real, it feels numb. Even now, after seeing him off with grace and dignity, he's not gone to me. He's in my mind so clearly, sitting beside me, telling me stories about his adventures, teaching me about rocks and minerals....holding our children. How can Grandpa Glenn be gone when I can still smell him and hear him?
I can feel his love and support still, his words echo in my ears: Welcome to the family. That was 14 years ago and I can still feel that bear hug! He's still with me and always will be. I still think in the same terms: Wow, that was spicy! Your Dad will love this!....and I cry.
Beautiful man, smart, funny, compassionate, kind, firm, dedicated, loyal, diligent, faithful...they don't make him like that, and I mean they never did. He was a unique person, and I do not exaggerate. No one has ever been on this earth, in his way, so purely selfless. So often misunderstood, but brilliance usually is. I see him in his boys, strong men, loving men, totally frustrating men they are so independent. Grandpa Glenn always took the high road, was always honest and never had anything to ever be ashamed of, he lived so wholesomely. People missed that about him because he was so intensely private, they rarely were there when he stopped to help someone on the side of the road, or jumped in his boat to race to a car that had gone off a bridge and into the water, intent on helping (turns out they were filming a TV show :) )but he and his boy, MY boy were going to help no matter the personal cost!
He was always thinking of others, and especially his children. They were the center of all he did. Many years ago, he was approached by the property master filming a movie, Grandpa Glenn had just purchased some surplus equipment and the man inquired if they could use some, or all, of it for a couple scenes, offering payment. Sure, he said: But I won't charge you if my kids get to be on set. So, when Peter Venkman, Egon Spengler and Ray Stantz are thrown out of the University and their office is being cleaned out...yea, that was Dad's equipment. And his kids were there.
I once told him I needed to get an alternator for Glenn's car...and I was hoping to buy a rebuilt as money was tight back then. I told him I would be heading down to the parts store at 7:30 the next morning. At 7:00 am there was knock on the door and this greasy hand came shooting at me gripping an alternator. Here, he said, I think it's the right mounts for a chevy. I had to dig through a box of 5 but I think this is it. And, I'll be damned, it was. He watched me fix it (not one to intefere unless asked), and we drove it around the block. You see, it turns out that Geologists are great to have around, the good ones don't trust anyone else to repair their equipment and so they stock the most wonderful things! I believe I earned his respect when we were at a junk yard and I found him a 5 ton hydrologic jack and bell housing. I dragged the jack over, he stood there with this grin on his face, watching me, and I said: I think you can use this. He smiled like a kid who had just seen the world largest gumdrop and said: I think I sure can!
I am really gonna miss him.
I am truly sorry for your loss and it is understandable that you feel and express your loss in in the tender and loving words they way you did. He seems like a man that every one would admire and that gives you a good reason to celebrate this mans life because of the legacy and good memories that he has left you. I am Irish and English. At an Irish wake, no one is sad, every one is happy and talking about the good times that were enjoyed with the deceased and then all go out to dinner and celebrate his passing.
ReplyDeleteYou may not want to celebrate his passing now, one day you will and then go out, eat and drink and talk about the good times.
I used to worry about dying all the time. I don't anymore. I'm not sure what changed. Is it just part of growing up or am I just ingesting the right combination of chemicals which, as part of their job, suppress those feelings? I really like not worrying about my death, but I still worry about the effect my death will have on others. When I die, I'll be in a really good place, a really bad place, or just won't be at all. But knowing that those left here won't be sure what happened to me, and all the sadness they will feel because they'll have lost the direct contact we humans rely on, that worries me for them. It worries me because I know what it's like to be here after others have gone, and I wonder if they're better off, and I miss them very much. Ultimately, life is what it is, and though we learn new and better ways to postpone death, we will all be on the other side of the fence eventually. In the meantime, I will worry, and I will wonder, and I will miss, long for, and remember the time we had together.
ReplyDeleteI only met Glenn Sr. once or twice, but have heard many stories about him from you and Glenn. I know he was all those things that you mention here and more. Luckily, he will continue to be all those things for you, for Glenn, for the kids, because I know that the stories will continue, and the love will continue, and we will all remember him until it's our turn to be remembered by others.
Love to you all,
Fernando
Aw, thank you so much for your words. Bill, my sweet man, we did have a wake, of sorts, no alcohol, but we all took turns telling stories and laughing. Of course, there were a lot of tears as well, but it would have been wrong to not laugh as much as we cried. That was Glenn. The boys did raise a glass to him later. Almost set me off again :). Tears flow too easily for me sometimes.
ReplyDeleteNando, I wish you could have known him better, he was definitely a jewel and you would have loved him dearly. He also would have found you a lot of hard to find Segway parts you never knew existed or even thought about wanting :). Of course I don't know where you would have stored 1500 Segway-Cat Travelers. :)
That reminds me of one of his favorite sayings: 'You know, somewhere, someone has a warehouse of 10,000 of (insert name of what you are trying to find) you just have to find him.'
Gentlemen, again, thank you for your words, they made me smile and made me recall all the wonderful memories! Death has touched me too much lately, I think I will take a vacation from it if you don't mind. Love you!