The 14th Anniversary

14. Years. 14 years. Glenn still thinks it's only the culmination of 13 and not a full 14. I say this every year: 0 - 1 is one, one complete year, you are just trying to get a pass on (insert whatever year is next). But ya, another year bites the dust.

And we had fun. We usually do. We took the kiddos to the beach because, well, we all might as well enjoy it and we don't have a babysitter.

We left a little on the late side, it's an hour and half drive to the beach we prefer. Taylor fell asleep and Bug was just Bug and lovin' the ride. he was clapping and yelling, He was excited to be moving.

When we got there the sun was setting and the lighting was gorgeous. We let the kids run and be kids, until Bug took me to the car, signaling what he thought was the end of the beach time. But we piled him in the stroller and walked the pier. And we looked and the ocean. And we appreciated what we had. And then we began to work on 15.

Pictures and video to follow.

People

 

Metra Rail Chicago

I am a people person. I watch. I listen. And I project: Trust Me with your deepest darkest secrets. Most importantly: I do not betray that trust.

I rode the train to work when we lived in Chicago. Loved it. I read an amazing amount of books and wrote an amazing amount of ridiculous stories and poems. But, no matter what I was doing, I always found someone wanted to talk. I should say they wanted to be heard. And I heard. I actually listened. I tried to be positive. I even hugged a depressed man who had just found out he was HIV positive and I was the first person he had told. He needed someone that could listen and he picked me. Why?

I wonder about him, and about the man that used to sing me songs on the way to bet on the ponies. I wonder how many people have sit in the seats I sat in and listened to the lonely people. I wonder if stupid girls are still climbing the stairs and sitting on the top wearing short skirts. And now, you are too. But really, those trains taught me that I do project 'trust me'. Not a bad thing. I am more than OK with that, I can work with it. So I ask: Could you? Could you be the person to listen and console? Could you hug a stranger?

Let me know will ya?

Thanks.

Oh and for the record: Happy DOES NOT mean stupid.

The coolest 3 year old!

I live with the coolest 3 yr old on the planet. Don't bother arguing, I won't listen. So, here's why:

Last night we were watching Mythbusters. They were testing the myth that a man got stuck on a ski lift and he used his denim pants to get down. He removed his jeans, threw one leg over the cable and grabbed both legs, sliding down the cable to safety.

(From Utah, calling bullshit. But a slight discussion did ensue at our house about lubricant and temperature...oddly we talk about those two things a lot.)

They tested the solution with a new Buster. Before they cut to commercial, they showed Buster falling. Taylor said this:

'Oh, I would fall and kill myself.'

Yep, being 3, I assume that as fact. :)

Later, as she was chewing her gum (don't judge me) she was watching Adam and Jamie testing something or other using guNpowder. She heard guMpowder and when that went up...she took her gum out and exclaimed:

'GUMPOWDER! Mommy!'

As if I was attempting to off her by letting her chew gum! After I stopped laughing, I explained the difference. Gum went back in mouth and she watch the rest of the show quietly.

I was actually more amazed that she was watching Mythbusters AND paying attention. Especially after the fit she threw to watch Wow Wow Wubbzy not even 10 minutes before. Discovery should be very pleased with themselves and Adam and Jamie might just have themselves a new helper. In 18 years.

 

 

My take on...

The eternal Operating System debate:

Sigh. For years I have stood in the shadows listening to the latest dreg about the superior operating system du jeur. Really, a true professional doesn't care what is presented to him/her, they learn it, they support it, they make it work. I am not lazy or a snob when it comes to the operating system.

I have supported mixed environments for almost two decades. And by mixed I mean Mac and Windows and HP UNIX and IBM (remember OS/2?) and Novell. Maybe BeOS too. And there is one universal: As a System Administrator you MUST suck it up and support whatever wackiness is presented to you. THIS is how you excel in your job. Most Sys Admins will complain and hem and haw about the Mac if they have supported only Windows and the MAC Admin will hate Windows. And me? I hate them equally. They have their quirks. They all make assumptions about the end user and can be laborious and frustrating. But my job has been to eliminate the crashes and the missteps and help the end user be more productive. I adapt. I am not lazy, I will learn the weaknesses and the strengths of each and build them to work together politely.

I don't have a preference, I don't care. I can build a stable network with anything the financial guy throws at me. I won't make excuses about the system requirements or the licensing. I will tell them what they need and then I will assemble it. Any Sys Admin that has a preference will only be able to last as long as the next CTO. Because, sure as hell, the next CTO will want to 'shake things up' and build the best and the fastest and that probably won't include anything that you have worked on or worse yet, your nemesis. So find that other job, the one with the O/S you really like and make all your excuses as to why it is better. Go ahead. And I will come in and make the system that you hate, work. And I will charge double what you did, because I did what you wouldn't. I dumped the ego involvement and built an enterprise infrastructure that works.

Getting back in the Game

How does one jump back into the technical market? It's not like I have been gone actually, I have been consulting and building products and services. But it feels, well, like I am handicapped because I owned my own business. Successful as it was, I still feel that it may not look that way. I hope I am imagining things and that I find the right people who recognize the skills. Sometimes, that is really all it takes isn't it? Luck. The right place at the right time...you know. Now, I gotta find that place. :)

Great Nephew

I mean Great Nephew as in my Niece just had a baby. And he is pretty great but still...Great Aunt Annette is creeping me the hell right out. Doesn't stop me from wanting to get my hands on that baby though. I just have to be patient. I am not so good at patient. So let's get on with what the women all want to see: The baby.

 

Jared Walker Hansen

May 10, 2008

8 lbs 3 oz 20"

 

Hospital20007.jpg

Six words late.

Ok, so I am late. Been...busy/depressed/enjoying somethings and deciding which drug I should start ingesting. But, I do this for Bill so here goes:

Summarize your life in a six word memoir, with optional photo illustration. Then tag six others.

If I were to seriously do this I would pick these six:

Woman, love, hope, heal, empathy, give

No sentence structure. Sorry.

Now let me 'splain.

Woman: All those wonderful and terrible things that go along with it. Wife, daughter, friend, Mother. Strength to endure and compassion to nurture.

Love: Unconditionally the best movtivator. Love rules all and cures all woes. Some may argue more has been done in the name of religion. But isn't that another type of love? Love of God? Moving on.

Hope: I have dared to hope for myself and for others. It has taught me perseverance and to not be complacent with it. To work to achieve that which you hope for the most. And, I have found that all I have hope for has become mine.

Heal: Accept the tragedies and continue to live your life with grace and dignity. Do not let despair consume you, heal the emotional wounds and the physical scars will bear witness to your triumph.

Empathy: Remember the emotions of others. Do your best to not cause them harm. Feel how it would feel to be there, at that time, and support those who need it. Do not expect it in return. It will build you into a fine human being.

Give: Replace everything you think you need to make you happy with the things that make others happy. It will return to you. Give to receive. It will show the character of a man, in his ability to be selfless. And by He I mean humankind. All men and women.

I am not naive, I am hopeful. I am hopeful that this world is worthy of the lives I give to it. My children will have an unknown impact on an unknown number of men and women. I must prepare them for that. I must give them the tools to live worthy of the legacy of their forefathers.

And to keep off the grass.

 

 

 

I am addicted...

I admit it. I love fast cars. Fast cars with attitude and absolutely no chance of ownership on my part. So, it stands to reason that I am addicted to the BBCA show Top Gear. There I said it. I watch it every time I find it on...in between Sponge Bob and Scooby Doo. If you don't know The Stig than you just need to watch more, or watch at all. Even if you don't get into the specs, the racing, the presenters building amphibian cars and attempting to cross The Channel, it's just a really good laugh. So far, James Blunt is at the top of my list for great interviews and reasonably-priced-car lap.

 

Aston Martin DB9

I admit to fantasizing about a full colonies version...where I get to host. Yep. Host...not just drive the track and get the fastest time in the P.O.S. du jeur, but go for the gusto: Host. The token chick. I can be that. I can completely suck it up and be that to just be in the room with an Aston Martin DB9. In the room! Not behind the wheel, although I sooo want to be behind the wheel. Yeah. Sex on wheels.

Heavy sigh. A v10 kinda sigh. Screw 4 bucks a gallon!

The Funkies

So, what do you do when you have the funks?

I have been down and out for a while now and this last week didn't help much. I thought it would be a pleasant time with family and it turned into so much less than expected. Made the funks worse. So I thought: I will watch videos. And I did.

All I could think of? I want Bug to have friends. I want him to be able to communicate what he wants. I want people to interact with him and not ignore him. I want him to never be hurt. But these things may not happen and I have to resign myself to that. He is beautiful and happy, regardless. He is sweet and cuddly and a million other wonderful adjectives, maybe a few not so wonderful too, but hey, he is 5 and 5 sucks.

I moved on for a second. A split second and thought: too bad I won't have more children. I really thought I was going to have more but this past week made me think it was a bad idea. It was an idea that I seemed to will into being and that isn't fair or smart. Maybe the loss in August was the universe telling me to be done. I really think I will listen and try to enjoy what I have, and what those I love have. But this thought also makes the funks worse. I haven't told Glenn, mostly because I am sure he won't really care what my reasons are. He will just try to talk me out of it because he knows I wanted it. But, I see what the future may look like and another little one may not make that future any brighter, in fact, may just make it more frustrating.

I think I need to move on to the damn haircut. :)

A litle girl and her ladybug

Taylor just brought me her ladybug.

Sounds cute doesn't it? Well it was. Darn cute in fact. And then an hour went by and she was still holding it. Talking to it. And now she is trying to get it to eat so she can keep it. When I tell her that the ladybug needs to be let go outside her almost 3 year old response:

But Buddy will squish her.

Can't argue with that, he will.

Friday, March 28, 2008

 

Disney VOD Administrator

We all lose ourselves at some point. We hide, we forget, and sometimes we just leave it behind but it is gone nonetheless and we are forced to reinvent. Not such an easy thing. We have to look around us and evaluate who and what we have in our lives that benefit us and what is there that hinders our development. Tough love? Self-preservation.

I had an indentity crisis. I made light of it but it turns out it cut me to my core. I was, I thought, an psuedo-intellectual. A bright woman with a strong career in Technology. A shining star? Maybe not, but I could hold my own and then some. I may not have been the best at explaining but I was good at solving the problem. And I got a call. I gave a reference and I realized...I gave it all up for my kids. They are 5 and 3 at the current time and they will be in school or pre-school soon. I thought we might have another child but that may or may not happen so I can't count on it but what I can count on is being bored and missing talking to another geek. Glenn is a geek but we have been married long enough now that he is good at tuning me out. It happens, not his fault, all people do it when they have been together almost 16 years. He won't think he does so I don't bring it up, but I am really missing big people and communication that isn't all about children. And, forgive me, but screw anyone that thinks I don't appreciate my children, I would die for them, that's NOT the issue. I love being a Mom, I never thought it would happen so I really do love my children, they are both miracles to me. But that doesn't change that I gave up who I was for them and then, someday soon, they will have lives of their own and they will give up needing me around and I will be expected to just continue on. As if nothing has changed and I will re-invent myself again. But that moment, that brief conversation, made me think about where I would be. Where I could be and I resent that I am not there. That I am not a voice to be heard, but a SAHM. It's confusing if you have never been through it and I don't expect anything to really change because I am venting. I don't expect to feel better. I just had to say it. Me and my ramblings.

I think I'll just cut my hair.