The Funkies

So, what do you do when you have the funks?

I have been down and out for a while now and this last week didn't help much. I thought it would be a pleasant time with family and it turned into so much less than expected. Made the funks worse. So I thought: I will watch videos. And I did.

All I could think of? I want Bug to have friends. I want him to be able to communicate what he wants. I want people to interact with him and not ignore him. I want him to never be hurt. But these things may not happen and I have to resign myself to that. He is beautiful and happy, regardless. He is sweet and cuddly and a million other wonderful adjectives, maybe a few not so wonderful too, but hey, he is 5 and 5 sucks.

I moved on for a second. A split second and thought: too bad I won't have more children. I really thought I was going to have more but this past week made me think it was a bad idea. It was an idea that I seemed to will into being and that isn't fair or smart. Maybe the loss in August was the universe telling me to be done. I really think I will listen and try to enjoy what I have, and what those I love have. But this thought also makes the funks worse. I haven't told Glenn, mostly because I am sure he won't really care what my reasons are. He will just try to talk me out of it because he knows I wanted it. But, I see what the future may look like and another little one may not make that future any brighter, in fact, may just make it more frustrating.

I think I need to move on to the damn haircut. :)

A litle girl and her ladybug

Taylor just brought me her ladybug.

Sounds cute doesn't it? Well it was. Darn cute in fact. And then an hour went by and she was still holding it. Talking to it. And now she is trying to get it to eat so she can keep it. When I tell her that the ladybug needs to be let go outside her almost 3 year old response:

But Buddy will squish her.

Can't argue with that, he will.