Tay's 4th Birthday!

Taylor asked for a Butterfly Birthday Party. Sounds fun. But everyone that could be there, wanted to be there and her Birthday was on a Tuesday and that meant, no one she wanted there would be there for very long. So we planned a Chuck E. Cheese birthday on the Saturday before her birthday and a small get together on Tuesday. We bought a special birthday dress, shoes and wings. Every 4 year old girl needs wings for her birthday. I think.

Saturday, April 25, 2009 

We invited our Neighbors, The Schmidt's, and their 4 children to attend the Chuck E. Cheese Butterfly Princess Party /*-with us. All together, there was 8 adults and 6 children. Good ratio I say.

We made some Butterfly / Floral arrangements (thanks Grandma Susan for the guidance, she KNOWS what kids will like) and Tay and Cassie wore Butterfly....stuff. The Chuck E. Cheese folks had ALL sorts of available swag. And we got the all sorts of swag. The kids loved it and the big people could just sit back and let the kids love it.

Some may say Tay is spoiled and she is, but why not? As long as we keep things in perspective and reign her in why can't she have her Barbie bike at 4? Because she got one, and she got a Barbie Scooter, thanks to Nana and Papa. And that thing is more popular than the bike (although Bug loves the bike and rides it downstairs). She got a few other things but really, nothing was as important to her as having her friends there to run around with. She was on fire, running and laughing. It was lovely and I will do a Chuck E. Cheese party again in a heartbeat!

Aunt Cheryl made Tay a Butterfly cake and we left a little before 10. We were supposed to leave at 7:30. Oops. But we gave them a good tip and they didn't mind. Go figure.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Her official birthday. Smaller, at home, much shorter time frame. Nana, Papa, Cheryl and Scot came down and again, we invited The Schmidt's over...to help break the Pinata. Yep, Pinata. Turns out, they are professionals at breaking the Pinata. Us? Not so much.  

Tay opened the rest of her presents, we broke the Pinata and she had her Strawberry cake that she had picked out a few weeks earlier. Seriously, she had been planning her birthday for months. MONTHS. It was cute and starting to get mildly annoying, but she was thrilled with how it all worked out and we were thrilled to have a 4 year old girl living in our house. Now, let's hope she makes it to 5 before I sell her.

Happy Birthday 4 year old Girl! 

Sun worship

Maybe I'm the odd man out here, but I really do not like sunny days all that much. Cloudy days with a bit of rain to them, that's more me. When people say: Hooray it's sunny! What a beautiful day! I think:

Great.

I really do prefer clouds, a little snow. It's so much easier to get warm than it is to cool off. Getting warm can involve other people, getting cool screams: stay away you'll make me sweat.

I spent a lot of my early life outside in the sun, playing some kind of sport. I hope my children will want to do that too, it taught me a lot, but the sunburns and then stinkiness of it all, I could really have done without. There is something different about sweating from exertion and sweating because the sun is beating down on you. It's more rewarding when you have earned it, and the cool shower is so much more invigorating.

Yeah, gimme some fog and lightening storms, pepper me with only small doses of sunshine and I might just be a lot more even tempered.

Dinosaurs!

I took Tay to the Thanksgiving Point Museum of Ancient Life a little bit ago and she was anxious to go back. And take Megan with us. So we did. Took Bug too. It's a small museum, but very well stocked with a variety of fossils and plenty of interactive displays. I would have loved it as a kid, I sure do enjoy it as an adult. I could detail the trip but really it loses so much when you haven't already been there. Besides I don't remember it all. The picts tell the tale.

 

 

Tay's teeth redux

She was nervous. Only about the needle. Having had her Hep A vaccine (don't get me started on WHY that particular vaccine is a sham) only a few weeks ago, the memory of the needle in her thigh was very fresh. In fact, since that shot, every few days she asks if I want to see the hole in her leg. We told her that if she had to have an IV the needle, it wouldn't be that bad and it would only feel like a little pinch. Didn't help. On the drive there she asked and asked about the needle and I assured her that if *I* wasn't nervous, there was nothing to be nervous about, she would be fine. She had expressed concerned about 'being put to sleep' earlier in the week. It was funny, and she was relieved when I told her not like a sick doggie.

We got there spot on time and signed her in. We were called back almost immediately and thank heavens there was TV with Over The Hedge playing since we waited almost an hour and a half before the Doctor showed up. It gave us time for her to relax and put on the new shirt the Surgical Center gave her. Pink shirt. Good call. She saw a plastic wagon across the hall from us and asked me what that was for. I told her I wasn't sure but maybe it's what they use to haul kids and/or things. Oh, was all I heard.

When the Doctor got there, he told her what he needed to do to her teeth and how she would wear a mask, blow up a balloon, and then get a Popsicle. Her face lit up. A Popsicle? That was worth it. She then queried: No needle? He looked at me and I explained, he smiled and said: No needle while you are awake. Luckily she didn't catch the "while you are awake' part or I would have had  A LOT more explaining to do. Then the anesthetist came in a explained about the mask again. She was cool with it, told him she liked balloons and was really good at blowing them up. He grinned and then offered her a ride in the wagon...she jumped off my lap and right into the green thing. Didn't even look back, I had to follow her a bit and tell her good luck, love you and I will be here when you wake up. She smiled: OK, bye!

The waiting was tough. Although I have been through all of it with Bug, it does NOT get easier. I texted, emailed, surfed the web, did whatever I could to keep myself occupied for the hour and twenty minutes that it took to see the Doctor again. He assured that all went well, that she was a complete joy and very sweet. She was in recovery and he walked me to a room to wait for her.

While I was waiting, I heard a cry, it sounded a little like Tay and since she would be groggy, I had no idea what she would be like so I went to see if it was her. Now, when Bug has his tests that he needs to be sedated for, we are ALWAYS there immediately following the procedure while he is waking up. Not with Tay, not this time. When I found her little body all curled up with a big hospital blanket on her, she had two nurses by her. They were saying how cute she was and then they saw me and asked me what I wanted and told me to go back to my room and wait. I was a little stunned and then asked them if that was her crying...they told me no and asked me to go back to my room. I did and was a little stunned. I kept hearing a cry and wondered if it was her...but I waited.

After about a half hour they brought her to me, asleep and wrapped up. She opened her eyes and smiled when they placed her in my arms and I cuddled with her tightly. We sat there for another 40 minutes and then a nurse came to check on us...Tay woke up...I told the nurse all was well and she left. On the way out the door Tay said: I didn't get my Popsicle. A few moments later...Tay got her Popsicle and ate the whole thing. It's an old trick to get the child to wake up. The joy of the Popsicle itself is emotionally gratifying and then the coldness of the Popsicle is physically a bit of a shock to the system and wakes them up. She woke up. She woke up a lot and asked when we were going to the Hello Kitty store.

thesisters.jpg

We picked up Megan, went home and ate, Doc said she could eat whatever she wanted and so she did. We ran to Salt Lake to pay rent, get stuff at Joann's and hit up the Hello Kitty store on the way back. She was in heaven and now has three Hello Kitty sisters: Hello Kitty, Daisy and Baby Amanda respectively. She was amazing, and I am in awe of her.

Tay and her cavities

It seems that no matter how careful one is the children WILL eventually get cavities. And Tay did. And she needed

Tay before the knock out

to have them repaired. And Tay did.

Although she was VERY good at the Dentist's office a few weeks ago, she would need to be sedated in order to get it all done in a timely manner. So off to the Riverwoods surgical center we go.

She was nervous about the needle. The I.V. that is. But there was no need. She was sedated by mask BEFORE the needle. Yippeee!!!!

There are all sorts of details I will provide but I have to do that later...gotta run out again. She did well and her teeth look lovely! And she got to go to the Hello Kitty store and go wild. Ugh.

Phone hate and redemption

Hate my cell. I have for a while. Piece of bad cell phone..ness. I won't tell you which one, doesn't matter and I don't usually bash products openly. MY experience is not EVERYONE'S experience. The SERVICE I will complain about openly and with great zest. After the phone call I missed turned into a voice-mail message 2 hours later...I was officially done!

Now, I talked to a few other Sprint users who have been having the same problem here in Utah, so no new phone would do, MUST change carriers. Glenn has a Blackberry on TMobile for work and when he is in London, it's seamless. Bonus for TMobile. AND every time I try to log in to my Sprint Account on-line it tells me I don't exist, that my phone number is NOT one of theirs...well it won't be very soon. I have been with them for over 10 years and at least that many phones, but their Customer Services BLOWS.

I had TMobile for business a few years back and they were VERY helpful and their rates where fabulous! Another Bonus for TMobile.

I am a pretty straight forward cell user. I don't care if I waste minutes, I don't care if I pay extra for going OVER my alloted minutes, BUT I DO care if I can change my services without signing in blood for two more years. TMobile lets me change AND lets me add a phone without a new plan unless I need one. This may be a limited offer but still...another Bonus. With Sprint, if I bought a new phone for me but didn't get Glenn a new one AT THE SAME TIME, I had to sign up AGAIN when I DID buy him one. So, I would sign the contract for my new phone and then a week, or a month later, sign another one when I bought him a phone. Dumb is an understatement.

I hate ATT. For apparent reasons..anyone remember Ma Bell?

Verizon was too expensive.

TMobile has the G1.

G1 Android

 

And now *I* have the G1. It's sexy. Turning out to be the best phone I have owned in a LONG time. It has all the things I need and more. I can call people with it. :) I can check my Gmail and launch my Chat, I have maps and internet, unlimited text messaging with a data package that is still LESS than my Sprint package. Cool. Sprint charged me PER message and I couldn't add a text package when my friends and family started hitting me with texts, unless i signed a NEW contract. I have a G1 and a new service and I couldn't be happier...NOW if I can get my number transferred without a penalty....

Truth, justice and nothing good

It seems that everywhere I turn lately I am reminded of how I have failed instead of the ground I have gained. It's very tiring and emotionally draining. Once in a while it's nice to actually FEEL like I've done something valuable for someone else or to feel like I can do all the things everyone else can do. But, I have been tormented lately by my shortcomings, tormented by my own hand and by little things I read INTO what is happening and, also, by real comments made, not imagined. When did I become so delicate? When did I require this much validation and support? Because this is out of character, it troubles me even more. Makes me look at myself with more scrutiny and more contempt and yet. I lack the energy to change any of it. Some may call it depression, but I disagree. When members of my OWN FAMILY make little comments, well then, it really is something I have to examine.

I suppose, I am lacking in a lot of ways as a Mom. I am lacking patience and selflessness and dedication. I *thought* I had those qualities but I must not really otherwise the people in my own family wouldn't correct my children. Wouldn't have to remind them to say thank you and please, even though Thank You were Tay's first words and she does say them pretty regularly. There are people that have actually told me, and really do believe, that all I have to do is just be more consistent with Bug. I feel judged, I feel ignored, I feel lonely and isolated. I hate it.

The frustration from chasing around the 6 year old and turning off the lights he turns on every few seconds, and from sweeping the floor for the 3rd time in 3 hours...that frustration has no words. It has no voice, for when I tell my Doctors that he is bouncing off the walls, they ignore it and ask about his seizures...his seizures are bad enough but then his ADD/ADHD and OCD aren't even being discussed. And this, is my fault, I am to blame, I should be screaming and yelling and begging and crying for someone to help. I should be doing all sorts of things that, apparently other Mom's have done. That I have not.

People look at Bug and see a pretty little boy. They don't see any CP, or Downs, they don't see a cripple, or a child with apparent issues and that makes it so much more difficult. Even my own family thinks he can do more than he can. I am beside myself and feeling like a total failure. And there it is. In all it's glory. Where it HAS gotten better, it has also gotten worse. 

I will, most likely, overcome these feelings, probably later than sooner, and I will do what I have always done: Go it alone, bottle it up, because who really wants to hear this from someone that is mostly happy? Even now I write this and only a few people will read it, a few that are genuinenly good people who would help if they could. But I don't expect anyone that can ACTUALLY make a difference everyday to read this, because, they don't. So this is my way of venting. It's as bad as it gets for me. And nothing good will come of it. I will do what I have to do, because it is what I have always done. I will be there for everyone else, sharing their triumphs and their joys, being judged by them in the process only to be left behind. It is the way it has always been, and so I move on.

The record ends...

Bug had gone 13 days with no seizure. 13 wonderful days and nights, we are seeing the old Bug more and more every day. And then, last night, a little over 30 hours from his latest vaccines, he had one. Then early in the AM he had another. Two. Two that I had NEVER seen before. They were not full T/C, he was rhythmic in his convulsions but only mildly. He did not blink, and instead of hard swallowing, he was breathing hard. And he reached for me, over and over and looked terrified. It was tough. These two ones, were VERY tough for me but he seems himself today. And the terror lasted for over 2 minutes each time. Just shy of 3 in fact. I hate them. I hate them for he is so sweet and so darling and so frustrated with not being able to talk to us. We are starting to see that frustration again, he displayed it when he was 3 but not since then. Not until now. I hope it was just the vaccines exacerbating his condition. I pray it was, that way, I know he will sleep peacefully again soon. If not, we may have another longer road ahead of us. Either way though, 13 was a great run!

The need to create

I need to do something, to create something, to paint, to design, to build. I need to do something. I can't do anything because Bug will get into what ever it is I decide to create. The desire to create, very strong in this one at the moment. Maybe I'll paint Bug's room. While he is at school tomorrow of course. I have to do something.

Knock Knock

Bug's MRI went very well. He was still very tired (of course being sick and 6:30 in the morning helped that part.) so the IV and sedation went smoothly. He had a tough time waking up after the MRI but with a little coaxing, we left a shade after 10am. Which was good, because ALL of us were still sick and getting more exhausted as time went on. The MRI appears normal, not a surprise, the last one was good too and so we wait. Thankfully, Bug slept the rest of the day.

On our way home we decided lunch had better be Grinders 13 in Salt Lake. None of us were up for eating inside so Tay and I ran in.

Grinders is an institution in the Maughan family. Glenn himself, has been eating there for over 30 years and his father was one of Mo's first customers. Dad gave Mo a 5 dollar bill and told him that if anyone can find a better Grinder than he would buy it for them. Mo put it in glass and it hung on his wall for at least 20 years. Yeah, his subs are just *that* good.

Tay and I ordered and sat down to wait. No sooner had my fanny hit the chair when she looked at me and said:

Knock Knock.

I smiled: Who's there?

Taylor

Taylor who?

Taylor Nicole Maughan. And she's three!

Yep, that is very much a 3 year old Knock Knock joke. And so it begins.

Bubble wrap and oxygen tents for everyone!

THIS is getting stupid.

Another fever, another upper respiratory ickie something-or-other.  It's Tay. I blame her. I blame her and her damn friendliness, I hope the other little booger eaters are sick like we are too. Cuz if they ain't...she's going back to the McDonalds playland to slobber and drool over EVERYTHING IN THERE.

I knew moving back meant some introductions to illness we haven't encountered, but seriously? 4 in 2 months? 2 rounds of antibiotics and a lifetime in bed.

The worst is when Bug is sick, he sleeps, and when he sleeps...although he has been asleep for a few hours and is fine, except for the fever, which comes back every three hours or so. And he has been cuddling, Tay has been running around trying to get Daddy to play with her Barbie Diamond Castle like all is well. She sounds like a truck driver but she has plenty of energy. And I can not wait to see Daddy behind that Castle playset galloping those horses.