He's a great Big Brother!

We were driving, all of us, and Taylor had her hat. She demanded her pink hat so she would stay out of the sun. So, we fetched it, she wore it and we went outside, got in the Cruiser and headed somewhere. Don't ask, I can't remember, life is a blur right now.

While heading to that somewhere, the princess fell asleep and her hat rolled off her head. Bug saw the hat go, stuck out his foot and stopped it. He brought his foot up, grabbed her hat and placed it back on her head.

All the women in the car: Awwww!!!!!

Bug: Smiles and reaches for a french fry.

Darling Boy

Can't get away from Mom!

The first time I heard John Lennon's Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) I thought: How lovely. And I learned all the words.

I would sing it loudly, and with great emotion, whenever I heard it playing.
A few years back it took on a new meaning to me. Of course it would be that way, becoming a mother to a son. It is a natural emotional progression. And the song would make me smile.
And it was added to my iPod, of course, to sing and sing and sing whenever I felt like finding it. Two years ago, next month, it became something entirely different. I would hear it and sing it but I would feel a twinge of fear, almost despair that I would never see my son grow to manhood like John. Of course, it would be my son taken from me, instead of his loss of a mother. And I learned to live with the fear and I learned to enjoy that song again and began to gather pictures to create a video for my darling boy using John's words as my backdrop.

Falling asleep at the parade!

One night last year it began to change again. Every night became something to fear. The sun going down turned to dread and the song makes me cry. I can not sing it loudly, I push back tears. I watch him sleep and I listen for any sound that may warn me a seizure is about to occur. I wake at the slightest sigh, it is like having a newborn again, only this newborn is not crying for hunger, he is screaming before a grand mal. He is beautiful, he is so strong and I watch him sleep. I wait for the time in the night when I rush to his side to comfort him until it is over. And I pray, every night as he drifts to sleep., I pray that this night will be restful for him. He must sleep near us, we have to be there, 'just in case'. Just in case he has one and his lungs forget to expand again, and his heart does not slow down enough, or his tongue gets bitten. This is night time for him and for me. And John's song reaches into my heart more than ever...as I watch him sleep.

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
Close your eyes,
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,
Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,
Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Cuz it's a long way to go,
A hard row to hoe,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,
Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is what happens to you,
While you're busy making other plans,
Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Darling,
Darling,
Darling Sean.

A girl and her fortune

We had some Chinese food. When one moves houses, one eats a lot of fast foot and ingests jinormous mounts of Coca Cola. All hail the mighty junkiness of it all. So, we ingested some Chinese fast food one night and Daddy gave Taylor her Fortune Cookie.

She has had many fortune cookies. She gets it.

She takes the cookie, turns her back to walk away and opens it. She turns back toward Glenn and hands him the paper fortune quickly and turns away again heading toward the couch. Glenn takes the paper and queries:

What did your fortune say?

Taylor stops dead in her tracks, does a half turn back toward him and points saying:

It says: watch out for alligators.

 

 

Blah blah blah

I said: Tay eat your waffles.

She said while extending her hands out: Blah blah blah.

I turned to Glenn, he looked at me, and we laughed. God forgive us we couldn't help it. I think we need to find a nunnery, sooner than later. I did tell her not to say that to me when I was serious. But it was too late. Even *I* wouldn't take me seriously.

Ok, seriously...

We can't find the Magna Doodle. And I much prefer getting smacked with the smaller one than the one he has now. Damn the luck.

Cars Doodle Pro

 

Just to give you an idea, the big Cars one is 16.9 x 12.6 x 2 inches and the small one we can't find is 8 x 5 x 1 inches. Yeah, the big one sucks to take on the leg...or the arm...or the head. Oh and they aren't called Magna Doodle anymore...they are Doodle Pro™. Whatever.

Bug's Parade

Bug isn't a show off, but he loves people. He's not shy, or reserved in any way. The Doctor noted: lacks social boundaries. I say he can't talk, wants to be a part of the action and he's 5! And 5 sucks. When he saw his sister and Mommy walking down the street, of course he wanted to join in the walking. So, he and Daddy joined the parade with Magna Doodle in tow. He did eventually relinquish the Doodle, I was just too busy to know if he gave it away. I hope we still have it.  

Parade Pictures

 

Parade

Pioneer Days Children's Parade

Princess Taylor

I think it is fair to say that Dad has 'a thing' for July. Maybe it's that he is a 40+ year federal employee and a veteran, or maybe it's just the excitement of the celebrations themselves, but we always had fun in July.

As a little girl we use to do ALL the 4th of July celebrations. Morning Breakfast's with whomever is sponsoring the event, then carnivals, the sawdust scramble for coins, winning fish and then the fireworks. The absolute craziest year was the Soccer exhibition I played in while it was 106 degrees outside. Yeah, that was insane. INSANELY FUN!

So it was no wonder that they came to California for the 4th. And, it was lame. Not much to do. Did the parade. And the fireworks. I am used to fireworks in an open park, maybe a field, sometimes a Stadium but in Valencia, CA they shot them off the top of the Mall parking structure. We sat in the Target Parking Lot watching them. It was still fun, but no fish. Damn.

The Maughan Family and The Parade

We vowed that the 24th would be better. In Utah, they celebrate the settling of the Salt Lake Valley on July 24th, 1847. They have the Day's of '47 rodeo and parade and prior to that, Ogden celebrates Pioneer Days. It's a week full of events: Rodeo's, luncheons, sales, and parades. Kicking off with the Children's parade.

Now, we did the Children's Parade several years when we were little girls. Decorating our bikes in red, white and blue and riding like little maniacs. It was a sight to behold in 1976 for the Bicentennial. Scary. But Cool. And this year, we didn't sign up, we were too late. I told Tay that the kids dress up and decorate their bikes and she could wave at them, She said: And see the princesses and blow them kisses! A light bulb went off and the next morning (the parade morning) I picked up Megan, who was visiting before heading out to Amber's, and we bought Tay a brand new Princess Costume.

We were a little late for the parade and ended up at the starting line. It only made sense for us to walk on. So we did.

Daddy and his little Princess

 She looked so cute and Bug wanted to walk by Mom too. So, midway through we swapped. Daddy with Tay and Mommy with Bug. She was the belle of the parade and started to get shy. She would wave, but not blow kisses. We walked 5 blocks and it was a blast. The Ogden Police Department covered the parade and they were fantastic! Encouraging the kids and laughing with them! Can't wait to do it with her next year! Oh yeah, we will be back!

 

Her Happiness

We tried to have a baby for a very long time. About 7 years. There was nothing wrong we were told, just hadn't happened, It has a term: Unexplained Infertility. I can tell you that it is a crappy diagnosis. VERY. No reason, you just can't have it.

And in all that time, I cried only on Mother's Day. Locked myself in the bathroom and cried feeling sorry for myself. Really, that was all it was: Self pity. I wanted it and I couldn't have it.

But in all that time, I never bought a home pregnancy test, I only charted for a little while, I just lived every cycle like I hoped I was pregnant. It was long and it was lonely. I told no one. I shared nothing. I just hoped and prayed and offered my soul. But I was denied. Even my soul wasn't enough to buy Glenn and I a child.

And I never got jealous. I hear these women talk about having babies and how hard it is for them. I get that. Been there, have the badge. But when they say:' I can't believe that <insert name of newly pregnant woman here> is pregnant! I can't be around pregnant women, or babies.' THAT, I don't get. How can you, who has struggled to get pregnant, begrudge someone else their pregnancy? Sorry, I just don't get it. I KNOW they feel empty, and they feel useless. I KNOW they feel despair and sometimes anger. But to not be able to set that aside and be genuinely happy that someone ELSE doesn't have to feel all those miserable things? But maybe she did. Maybe it was her 6th pregnancy and first one to carry to term, or maybe she was violated and the baby was forced onto her. You never know. If I could tell them ONE thing without being attacked for not understanding it would be: Some day it will be you, and some other woman who has tried for too long will look at you and be jealous. And YOU will not pay attention to it, you will be so thrilled it is your turn that HER misery will not be apparent. Do not look at other women with jealousy, this will eat at you and you will not want to go out, or visit your new nephew, look at them with hope. Look at me with hope. I have NO idea why I have two children now. Really, no reason, except sex at the right time, in the right position. And it may never happen again. But I will not be so self-absorbed as to look at another pregnant woman with disdain because she has what I want. I will be happy for her. I will be happy to see that infant and I will feel like I am complete.

How can any woman deny her happiness?

Maybe it's me

I wonder: Am I the only one that thinks it's obscene to read about a pack of teenagers beating a man to death with another 'news' story about how a young TV star has no problem taking off her clothes and showing the world her goodies whether we want to see them or not?

Where is the reality?

Wondering about the Top Story? Go ahead...guess.

Verne Troyer Sex tape. That's right. Excuse me, that TMZ DROPPED the sex tape. WTH? That this man has a sex tape is more important than ANYTHING else happening in the world that CNN decides is news. Watching someone else have sex is the foundation of society, evidently.

Oh and Number 2? Uma Thurman is engaged. Well, good for her. Will I get an invite? Because, really, that's the only way I might actually think this tidbit is important to me in any way. Or, if she picked my company to make the flowers. Aside from tha: have a nice life Uma. Hope you are very happy, congrats. Everyone wants to be happy. But, you know, some people are being beaten to death. Harsh? OK, I'll buy that was harsh and not directed at Miss Thurman in any way. But wasn't it true?

So I think; I vow not to NOT click on a story where I recognize any of the names.

Unless, someone sends me a link and wants to discuss it.

And I also vow to continue to be appalled by the lack of humanity in the new human experience. That I will always rant about teenagers with no guidance. Can't tell you why they abuse people, I don't know them. I can make blanket assumptions such as: Parents aren't there,or fell in with the wrong crowd and look for blame in some other place instead of where it lies: With the teenagers. I mean, really, did you NOT know that it was wrong to attack someone for their music player when you were 14? Could anyone have convinced you to strike another human being until they died? Because these kids did. They looked around and saw something they wanted, and, on impulse, or planned (doesn't matter the outcome was the same), they took it. And we, gave them exposure and attention. What we SHOULD be doing is crying out for their punishment! For the accountability that we, as a society, do not force upon our young people. THEY are the ones who chose this path, NO ONE forced this behavior and the majority of us want to see Verne Troyer's willie. How did this happen?

Taylor's FIRST Haircut

Yes, she is 3 and we just got around to her first haircut. Don't judge me.

Getting the bangs thangs!

She was born with a full head of dark hair and it just grew out and lightened up to the beautiful strawberry blonde she has now. She loves her hair. She likes for me to put ribbons and bows in it and sometimes, they even match her outfit. She has been bugging us to cut her hair for a while now and we finally gave in. Well, not so much gave in as recognized the necessity of it. So we took her to WalMart, of all places, and she sat VERY still while her hair was cut. Bangs and evened out the back. That was it. She wanted to keep it long, we wanted it out of her eyes. :) It was a compromise.